Holding the baby

Tonight when we were driving, Caius was very active and Matt got to feel good, strong kicks from the outside. He had his hand on my tummy, the other hand on the wheel. Once the baby settled down for a minute, he said, "I wish I could just hold you all the time and feel him all the time." My heart melted.

I'm so glad he's interested in all this craziness: he goes to almost all my midwife appointments with me, reads things, and talks about me with the baby a lot. He's even in tune with and sympathetic for what my body is going through. I got home from work today (first day back! It was productive) and sat on the couch with him and sort of heaved this huge sigh because I was exhausted. He asked how my hips were feeling. "Not too bad."

"How's your back doing?"

"Not too bad." He rubbed his hand up and down my back.

Most days, we sit or lay together and just talk and are silly together for at least 20 or 30 minutes. We talk about our day, about the baby, about the dog. The dog cuddles with us sometimes, and occasionally the cat gets in on it. I enjoy the time alone with my husband in our house. I hope we can find the time to do that once Caius is here. I think we will. I hope we'll still do this with Caius.

When he said he wished he could feel Caius all the time, I smiled and said, "It's pretty amazing." Caius had been having a dance party for about the last hour (and I'm sure he'll start up again soon now that I'm settled), and it's so neat to feel his little limbs sliding along the inside of my belly or to feel big kicks into the muscles of my side where I'm ticklish. (He's made me jump and laugh quite a few times when he gets me there!) Maybe one time out of 30 will something actually hurt, but he's still little (about 3.5 pounds now), so mostly it's either just the sensation of feeling him, or sometimes a little uncomfortable, like when he's doing the samba on my spleen.

"I don't get to feel him that much," Matt added as we were driving.

"Really? It seems like you get to feel him a lot," I said. Pretty much any time Matt's within arm's reach and Caius is moving around, I'll put his hand on my belly, so he feels his son move daily.

"Yeah, but just sort of barely."

"That's true, I guess. I feel it a lot more strongly than you can from the outside!"

His daddy was happy to get to really feel him against his palm and know his son was in there, alive and well and growing strong. When he'd made the wish about getting to feel Caius all the time, he made a motion with his arms like he had them wrapped around me from behind, wrapping both of us up. His family.

Nine more weeks and we won't be a couple anymore. We'll be a family.

Well, we're already a family. I feel like Caius is already here, in a way. He's with me all the time, wherever I go, whatever I do. His daddy and I talk about him all the time. When we can hold him in our arms and feel his soft skin and look into his big eyes, we will be that much more complete.