October 7th - Save the date

2/8/13
The baby and I are watching Bambi together for the first time. <3

Last Sunday the 3rd, I had a positive home pregnancy test! I'm 5 weeks 4 days right now with a few minor symptoms. My pants are all too tight already so I've been living in leggings and long sweaters or tights with loose dresses! (Cue TMI part of the post.) I'm super bloated and gassy, ugh. My chest is a little sore. I'm extra thirsty and am drinking a ton of water, but my bathroom trips aren't that much more frequent. (End TMI.) I've been having crazy-vivid dreams all night every night for a few weeks. Occasionally I'll have a little hint of gaggy "morning" sickness feeling, but I'm eating often enough that it doesn't catch me very much. I'm a little more tired than usual and I've taken a nap 3 afternoons out of the 5 work days this week. I'm also sometimes slightly out of breath when I climb the stairs or bend over and stand up too fast.

This looks like a lot typed up, but I really don't feel much different than usual. I just want to record every little symptom because I want to feel different. I want the real morning sickness to start, as awful as that sounds, because then it will seem real and like things are okay. (Ask me again when I'm in the throes of trying not to puke.) Last time (I miscarried at 10.5 weeks but didn't know until 13 weeks), the morning sickness didn't start until 6 or 7 weeks, so I'm not particularly worried.

Except... I am worried, a little. Of course I am. Every twinge makes me wonder if something is wrong. Every time I don't feel pregnant for an hour or two, I wonder what's happened. I don't know how Matt and I would bear a third loss. I can't even describe how awful it was last time. Part of me doesn't even want to get excited and start making plans and changing things because that's what we did last time and it made it that much worse when we lost the baby. But of course I want to be excited, too. This baby is just as precious as the last two we never got to meet. I just try to not think about it too much, and I pray a lot. Lord, please please let us keep this precious baby.

And we haven't told anyone. I kind of want to wait to tell family until we hear the heartbeat around 9 or 10 weeks because the chance for a loss goes way down after that (even though we did hear the heartbeat last time and still lost the baby). And I don't want to tell anyone at work or the wide world of Facebook until I can't hide my tummy (which already feels gigantic and like I can't hide it) any longer. Fifteen weeks or so. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Praying and hoping!

EDIT - 30 minutes later: I am definitely feeling quite gaggy and am making more food now. I remembered from last time that my "morning" sickness started around 4-5 in the afternoon and lasted until bedtime. Huzzah! Praise the Lord! I will put up with anything to get to meet a healthy little baby in nine months!