Six weeks

2/11/13
 
We've known for a week and a day now, and it feels like about a YEAR! It feels weird that we've known for a whole week and Matt and I are still the only people in the whole world who know I'm pregnant. It's kind of neat, though, too. We have this big, important secret, just the two of us. We went out for an early Valentine's Day dinner tonight and talked about some stuff, planning-wise, and we're on the same page about pretty much all of it. We're worried, of course. Worried we'll lose this baby, worried about how we'll pay for medical bills and later diapers and clothes and food, worried about Matt, who just graduated with a psychology degree in December, finding a job soon. But we're both cautiously excited, too, and we get to be excited together.

Here's a picture of something I peed on! Awesome!

I've downloaded two apps. One is the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" Pregnancy Tracker, and the other is from Babycenter.com.

I like "What to Expect" because as soon as I open it up, it shows me how far along I am (6 weeks 0 days). It tells me how big my baby is (the size of a sweet pea this week), counts down how long I have to go (34 weeks 0 days) and shows my due date. There are weekly updates on my baby's growth and my body's changes, and little daily tips. I could also upload photos and participate on the forums, but I don't.

"My Pregnancy" from Babycenter.com shows me a weekly update on the same things as the "What to Expect" app, but they usually have slightly different facts or focuses. It, too, has daily tips, and it has a weekly checklist. So far these are things like "drink water," "do some stretches," "make a prenatal appointment," and "pack healthy snacks" with a little blurb to go along with each. This one, too, has forums, but I participate in those online on the computer.

The online forums (in the October 2013 Birth board), so far, are women posting about their symptoms, looking for advice to calm their fears about weird or lack of symptoms, and sometimes posting other stuff like whining about in-laws, asking for advice on names, and so on. I'm trying to stay away from anything that would scare me like stories of spotting turning into ER visits, little ovarian twinges turning into something awful, ectopic pregnancies, etc. etc. It just freaks me out, and I don't need any more stress in my life right now.

Work, thankfully, had been pretty good and stress-free lately. However, I just realized this evening that I will be teaching my 4th quarter Anne Frank/Holocaust unit in about a month. I've taught it two years already, and even when I'm not pregnant, it really affects me. It's extremely hard to watch films about Jews being mistreated and killed in concentration camps three times a day (I teach three blocks) for weeks on end. That's not all of it, but it's one of the most upsetting things. It's a really valuable unit for the students, and they all handle it really well. We have good discussions and work to go along with all of this. But if I cried through the kids at church getting baptized this last Sunday (I didn't even know any of them, I was just really touched), I can only imagine what a wreck I will be watching and reading and talking about all these atrocities. I pray the Lord gives me strength to get through it. I don't want to just turn any emotions about it off. I think it's good for the kids to see an adult reacting strongly to such things and being able to speak honestly about it, but I also don't want to not feel anything. It would make me feel horrible about having no reaction, like none of it was important. And it was important, and it is.

That's what's been on my mind lately. My sweet pea-sized baby is starting to develop a nose, ears, and mouth. Its heart has been beating for about a week at around 100-160 beats a minute. Little arm and leg buds are forming. Brain cells are being created at the rate of 100 cells per minute! Pretty amazing. I just sit with one hand on my tummy a lot when I'm home, holding the baby and loving it and praying for it and being happy.